Sometimes in our lives....

Hello, dear ones! I know I'm very sporadic over here; I'm sorry, but I'm glad you love me enough to come check once in a while. :)

Tonight, I read Beth Moore's blog, and had to come talk to you. :) Actually, to ask you a couple of questions.

If you're over 39, do you have someone younger than you that you kind of mentor, or encourage, or love on? Do you feel like that's an important thing for you?

If you're under 39, do you have someone in your life who does any of the above for you? Do you wish you had someone to do so, if you don't presently? How do you feel about approaching someone if you'd like that kind of relationship?

The older I get, the more I know how important this kind of relationship is - one that allows us to see someone older's walk, to share ours with them. to gain insight into their understanding of God that can only come with walking with Him.

I'm really blessed; I can look back on my life and see that I've almost always had that kind of person. Sometimes, they didn't have much choice - I was best friends with their son or daughter, I was appointed to them at church, I decided I liked them and they needed me to be around. :D

I'd love to hear what you're doing, what you think, how you FEEL. I'd also love to know where God's got you right now. Are you in a place where you really wish you could just let it all out to someone? Or are you in a place where you want to be His arms for someone, to help a younger person get through some of the - well, I'm going to call them "focus" issues. :D It's all where we place our focus, isn't it?

TALK TO ME. :D I love you! I really, really think this is an important issue, just as Beth does. I'd love to hear what you have to say!

Here I am. :)

So sorry I've been MIA. I haven't felt really well on the days I've not been busy. Please pray that that cycle STOPS. I'd like to feel GOOD for a bit. :D


Today's post is a poem that I fell in love with in college. It hit me right where I was - I used to wear masks all the time, for fear of others' opinions of me. What I learned the year I found this poem was that everyone has fear of others. We're all in the same place - we need to be loved. Regardless of whether the author is Christian or not, I think his message SHOUTS about how we should interact with each other.


Let me know what you think. :)

Please Hear What I'm Not Saying

Don't be fooled by me.

Don't be fooled by the face I wear

For I wear a mask, a thousand masks,

Masks that I'm afraid to take off

And none of them is me.

Pretending is an art that's second nature with me,

but don't be fooled,

for God's sake don't be fooled.

I give you the impression that I'm secure,

that all is sunny and unruffled with me,

within as well as without,

that confidence is my name and coolness my game,

that the water's calm and I'm in command

and that I need no one,

but don't believe me.

My surface may be smooth but

my surface is my mask,

ever-varying and ever-concealing.

Beneath lies no complacence.

Beneath lies confusion, and fear, and aloneness.

But I hide this. I don't want anybody to know it.

I panic at the thought of my weakness exposed.

That's why I frantically create a mask to hide behind,

a nonchalant sophisticated facade,

to help me pretend,

to shield me from the glance that knows.

But such a glance is precisely my salvation,

my only hope, and I know it.

That is, if it is followed by acceptance,

If it is followed by love.

It's the only thing that can liberate me from myself

from my own self-built prison walls

from the barriers that I so painstakingly erect.

It's the only thing that will assure me of what I can't assure myself,

that I'm really worth something.

But I don't tell you this. I don't dare to. I'm afraid to.

I'm afraid you'll think less of me,

that you'll laugh, and your laugh would kill me.

I'm afraid that deep-down I'm nothing

and that you will see this and reject me.

So I play my game, my desperate, pretending game

With a façade of assurance without

And a trembling child within.

So begins the glittering but empty parade of Masks,

And my life becomes a front. I tell you everything that's really nothing,

and nothing of what's everything,

of what's crying within me.

So when I'm going through my routine

do not be fooled by what I'm saying.

Please listen carefully and try to hear what I'm not saying,

what I'd like to be able to say,

what for survival I need to say,but what I can't say.

I don't like hiding.

I don't like playing superficial phony games.

I want to stop playing them.

I want to be genuine and spontaneous and me

but you've got to help me.

You've got to hold out your hand

even when that's the last thing I seem to want.

Only you can wipe away from my eyes

the blank stare of the breathing dead.

Only you can call me into aliveness.

Each time you're kind, and gentle, and encouraging,

each time you try to understand because you really care,

my heart begins to grow wings --

very small wings,

but wings!

With your power to touch me into feeling

you can breathe life into me.

I want you to know that.

I want you to know how important you are to me,

how you can be a creator--an honest-to-God creator --

of the person that is me

if you choose to.

You alone can break down the wall behind which I tremble,

you alone can remove my mask,

you alone can release me from the shadow-world of panic,

from my lonely prison,

if you choose to.

Please choose to.

Do not pass me by.

It will not be easy for you.

A long conviction of worthlessness builds strong walls.

The nearer you approach me

the blinder I may strike back.

It's irrational, but despite what the books may say about man

often I am irrational.

I fight against the very thing I cry out for.

But I am told that love is stronger than strong walls

and in this lies my hope.

Please try to beat down those walls

with firm hands but with gentle hands

for a child is very sensitive.

Who am I, you may wonder?

I am someone you know very well.

For I am every man you meet

and I am every woman you meet.

By Charles C. Finn

Capture That Thought!

Hello, dear friend. How are you doing today? Are you feeling blessed? Because you ARE. AND highly favored!

This isn't the message that I thought was going to be first to you, but it's the one God's been dealing with ME about, and I feel that He is asking me to share my struggle and my understanding on it.

Last night, I was REALLY tired. We'd been up a long time, today was going to be a busy, long day, and I was ready to rest. But God wasn't ready to let me end my day. :)

I lay in bed for a long time, trying to be still so Kenn could get some sleep. I finally crept into the bathroom and took a bath, hoping that would be relaxing enough to push me into sweet slumber.

Nope.

I went back into the bedroom and lay back down. (My glasses were in there, so I couldn't really go anywhere else!) I decided to try some other tricks that usually work.

Nope.

Finally - why is it ALWAYS the last resort???? - I asked God what He wanted to tell me.

"Capture every thought."

Huh? What did THAT mean??

And then I began to follow the "thread" in my life lately. Holiness. I'm sure you've either heard or sung the song "Holiness is what I long for". And that's been the sermon topic for four weeks at our new church. It's becoming more and more important to me; I want to seek holiness, to "be holy as I (God) am holy" - and I know I CANNOT be, except to let Him take me and fill me.

"Capture every thought."

OK, Father. I will. I know there's a Scripture that relates those very words, so I'll look it up.

Still no sleep. :::sigh:::

OK, God. I hear you. You want me to capture every thought. Practicing self-control in deed is not enough; each THOUGHT needs to be held up to Your light. No dwelling on past hurts, no thinking about temptations that I know I'll not succomb to (but thinking is fun!).

Yes, Lord. With You, I'll do it. You'll have to do it through me, though. I'm not strong enough.

The next thing I knew, it was morning. :D

Here is the Scripture, dear one:

2 Corinthians 10:4-5 (New International Version)

4The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. 5We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

That is my pledge this week. To capture EVERY thought. Every "pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God".

It's so easy to get caught up in Satan's lies and ambushes for us! To get caught in the daily grind, and - even though we know we don't "believe" it, our actions tell a different story! - to live as though the problems of our lives are all-consuming.

If you can grasp this ONE point that I have to share with you, dear friend, it's this: this life is so fleeting. We don't know from one moment to the next if we'll be ALIVE for that next moment. But worrying about the future consumes us! BE FREED FROM THAT. Yes, it's important - and we have to live with the repercussions of our responsibilities. But God is bigger than EVERYTHING. He's BEFORE everything, He's AFTER everything. He SO loves you. He's trying to get our attention. He wants us to know Him. Face-to-face. Intimately. And so many times in our lives, we have to chase down the kids, or talk to the doctor about a life-threatening illness, or deal with a butthead of a boss. And that clamor drowns out His voice, His pleading for a little time with you.

My prayer for you is that you can put all the noise, the clamor, the busyness, the hectic schedule, to one side. There's no checklist! There's no "Do this to get closer to God" instruction manual. Do you know, He's waiting to just BE with you? Tell Him you want to know Him, and then just be still in His presence. You might not hear His voice, but you will be so awed by His presence, His peace, His MERCY - His HOLINESS.

Just be STILL, and know.